Putting It All on the Table Before Saying, ‘I Do’. Love Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated — But Expectations Often Are.

​If you’ve been on this earth for more than half a century, you already know contracts are worth their weight in gold. And, with so much at stake, a marriage contract should be no exception.

The statistics aren’t kind to our age group. In the United States, adults aged fifty and over divorcing have roughly doubled since 1990.

It’s Your Marriage. Shouldn’t You Make the Rules?
It was in October, 2014 that I tuned into Global TV’s The Morning Show. The hosts were interviewing authors Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson, who had just written a new book entitled ‘The New I Do’. This book shed new light on how we look at marriage and offered seven alternative models to redefine matrimony for the 21st century. I thought this was fascinating and decided to dig deeper.

What stood out from the interview was the concept of a partnership or marriage in real-world terms. This made sense. Since such a large percentage of marriages don’t last, there must be alternatives or at least a better way of forming a marriage. (This is not the same as a prenup, which deals exclusively with the distribution of assets after marital breakdown.)

Let’s Try This Instead
We have the power to make our own rules. It starts with two consenting adults and a renewable contract. That’s it. As part of a negotiated agreement, your partnership or marriage would include your expectations, conditions, and terms. Your roles would be clarified — removing the ambiguity of who’s responsible for what; no controlling or assuming roles.

If both parties agree, it is legally binding. If the relationship is going hunky dory, you can renew or tweak your agreement. From there, your love, passion, friendship, or whatever you want your relationship to look like will have a better chance to grow.

What Does a 21st Century Marriage Look Like?
What are you looking for in a relationship? Do you know that love is not on everyone’s priority list?
Compatibility
Companionship
Active sex life
Relationship based on lifestyle and desires rather than romantic love
Guilt-free open relationship
and more…

The Long Distance Relationship
My research into ‘gray divorce’ started on a recent trip from Calgary to Edmonton. Having no desire to do this four and a half hour drive in the middle of an Alberta winter, I decided to travel by way of Red Arrow bus. For those unfamiliar with Red Arrow, it is a luxury version of Greyhound.

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